you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
