Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
