I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
