why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
