Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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