I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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