My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
