Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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