Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
