there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
