I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
