I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
