LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
