where does the pee come out of this thing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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