Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
