It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
