I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
