I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
