worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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