Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
