Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
