he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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