I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
