we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
