My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
