Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
