evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
