This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
