idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
