The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
