Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
