I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
