Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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