Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
