Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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