I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
wow bdsm is so cute
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
