Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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