i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
