When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
