She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
