this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
