Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have demons in me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
