apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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