Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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