I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
