I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
