So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
