she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
