i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize