remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
