just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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