Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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