the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
