yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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