So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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